Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Blessings, Thankfulness, Joys and Fears

So this is my first attempt to write a blog. So many of my friends have blogs that I am constantly reading, so I decided to start one of my own. Let me start by saying a little bit about my life. I have been married for almost 4 years now to my wonderful husband Tim Mason. He is MORE than what I had imagined the perfect person for me to be. He is so wonderful and I thank God for bringing us together every day.

God has also blessed us with our sweet princess Emmy Grace who is turning 2 in May. When we got pregnant with Emmy I secretly prayed that she would be a girl, because I always wanted a daughter. She has been the biggest joy in my life. Her little personality is already showing, and she is definitely a girl who knows what she wants. We are expecting our second daughter Violet Cheri due in June. Im very excited and nervous to have 2 kids and to begin this next chapter in our lives.

Right now I am 26 weeks pregnant. So far so good. Ive gained about 10lbs and so far no swelling which I am very excited about!  I am a little nervous about the birthing process this time around because I already know I will be having a c-section. When it was time for Emmy to come I made it to 41 weeks with no dilation, no contractions, NOTHING. It was a frustrating time because I just wanted her out. My hands and feet blew up, the stretch marks were visible, and my blood pressure was through the roof! So my Doctor decided it was time to be induced. I didnt care, I was just so done that I was willing to go through anything. They started with giving me a pill to soften my cervix. Two hours later...nothing. They gave me another pill to soften me and this one did the trick. It sent me into crazy hard labor that I was not expecting. I remember thinking I didn’t know pain could be this bad. I didn’t know this kind of pain existed. Then finally it was time for the gift from God…The Epidural! Thank you Jesus is all I could think or say. When I finally dilated to 10 it was time to push. The nurses and doctors all kept saying how narrow my pelvis was and they thought it might be too small. Well they were right! After two hours of intense pushing, little baby Emmy would not budge. I just kept hearing the nurse say “this isn’t going to happen”, but I didn’t want to believe her.  I prayed my entire pregnancy that I wouldn’t have to have a c-section.  This couldn’t be happening! Well it was and it did happen. After all I just went through they wheeled me into surgery and 15 minutes later Emmy Grace was born. I was so happy it was all over, but I couldn’t help but feel like I let myself down. I felt like I could’ve done it.
When we got pregnant this time I thought here is my chance! I will do a vaginal birth this time. Yeah this time will be different!  I was expecting to hear when I had my first Dr. appointment that  I was the perfect candidate for a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean). To my surprise he told me the opposite “you are too narrow and there is a good chance what happened with your first time, will happen again”.  POW right in the stomach it hit me. I can’t ever have a vaginal delivery.  I agreed with the Dr. that I really don’t want to go through all that labor again if there isn’t a good chance, so we will be scheduling the c-section 10 days before my due date. I know there are good things to it, like not having to wait for the arrival, and not having to go through crazy contractions of pain. I just really dread the recovery time with a toddler and a newborn to take care of. I know God will get me through it with the help and support from my husband, family and friends.  I’m trying to stay focused on the precious gift that is growing inside me and that every bit of it is all worth it for my little Violet Cheri.

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